I RATE ADS

jtherkal: This dandy is showing in theaters before the trailers start. I don’t really know what to say about this. Part of me loves Kid Rock (a secret, ashamed part). I know he’s clinging desperately to any sort of fame and wishing he’d saved a little more of his balltotheballthebangthebangditty money. All I could think of when I saw this was, “this is like a caricature of a National Guard ad.” Like if you were making a comedy about an advertising agency and they had to make up a National Guard ad, this would be the result. For instance, you can imagine the ridiculous scene from the movie where Will Farrell proposes to mesh NASCAR with Kid Rock and war footage. “Look, it’s everything poor white people like. Kid Rock, stock car racing and blowing shit up with guns. If we could legally add in a few scenes of beer being poured on tits, we’d have an Oscar heading our way. But we can’t show beer being poured on tits. Ever. Damnit.” Unfortunately, this isn’t a comedy. F. On a side note, while writing this I played the song over and over again. I’m fired up. F+.

sjbooher: When it opens, I’m thinking, ok, Kid Rock, kind of awesome. Then the military aspect comes in, and I start getting a little sick to my stomach, because of the way the military recruits the desperate by looking “cool”. But it still works — Kid Rock’s image and this track fits well with America/military/etc. Then I see Lil’ E… WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Now we have reached ridiculous levels of absurd. BEING A NASCAR DRIVER IN NO WAY COMPARES TO FIGHTING IN WARS. Not only is the message sick, but there is no flow amongst the 3 sets of clips. It is chopped together with no continuity. Using the song as an ad for ONLY the National Guard? Fine. Using the song as an ad ONLY for Lil ‘E/NASCAR? Even better. The disco-hell-mix of all 3? Terrible. F.

jtherkal: Apparently this ad has been pulled from television in the UK due to its “homophobic” nature. When they yanked the Snickers Superbowl commercial with two men kissing, I could understand the sensitivity. But this one? If I were gay, I’d be pissed that people think that just because a guy is portrayed as a crybaby-pussy he’s representative of the gay community. The fact that they pulled this for being anti-gay is 1000 times more anti-gay than the commercial itself.

This one is possibly closer to being offensive. But it has a Snickers Gatling gun, which is awesome:

jtherkal: This YouTube comment more accurately states what is offensive about this campaign: I can’t belive a creative agency has done such an offensive commercial, how do effeminate guys feel when they watch this ad? the underlying message is that effeminate men must be shot to become masculine. This is really bad… So is it offensive to effeminate guys? Sure. But it’s equally offensive to both straight and gays. Either way, I like them. And the message isn’t to shoot effeminate guys, it’s to get some nuts. A-.

sjbooher: I agree, ONE THOUSAND %. However, it is a slippery slope. While these ads are not offensive in and of themselves, I just spent two weekends recently with a group of guys that would see the effeminate men shown here, and instantly say: “those guys are gay”. That is because most people are idiots, I guess, and always will be. A-.

And yes, Mr. T. is gold standard when it comes to Ridiculous Black Men in entertainment.

jtherkal: Following the growing trend of pulling seemingly “offensive” advertising, Verizon yanked this off the air after getting pressure from PETA and other animal-rights groups, who claim the commercial promoted animal cruelty. They went on to explain “that chained dogs are deprived of social interaction and forced to endure weather extremes, adding that the spot perpetuated stereotypes against pit bulls as a violent breed.” Hmmm, you know what else perpetuates those stereotypes? When pit bulls eat people. The only thing offensive about this ad is that it royally sucks. Maybe that’s why they took it off the air. F.

sjbooher: I’ll never understand the concept of spending ones time saving dogs when there’s poverty and inhumane conditions for HUMANS in our own backyards, but that’s just me — call me crazy. So with that being said, I obviously do not find this ad offensive. I do not think this ad is that bad, either. That guy wants to touch that phone, and he’s willing to risk life and limb to do it. The best part? Even though he appears at the end, that dumb “network” guy doesn’t talk and his time is limited. I will say this spot has the “feel” of the Boost mobile brand, to me… if I didn’t know which provider it was for, that would have been my guess. C.

FREE MIKE VICK!!!!!!!!!!!

sjbooher: I cringe as these guys talk. There are several ads in this series, all with this trio trying to be funny. Mission failed, in my opinion. I’m sure some people laugh at them, though, so I cannot rule them out entirely. On the positive side, I have never heard of this cereal before, and the description in these ads whets the old’ palette, so they did a good job there. C+.

jtherkal: To put together an entertaining 30-second commercial that spends all 30 seconds talking about the product is a tough task. Here we have spots where people talk about the Raisin Bran Crunch and its benefits for the duration. It’s all raisin bran crunch all the time. The writing is pretty good (”Hmmm, maybe you haven’t heard it, two scroops of crunch…nooo, two scoops of raisins.”), but they failed by trying to make it “extra” funny. The banter between the guy who likes crunch and the guy who likes raisins is a good premise for the campaign. Then they throw in that third little elf-man and try to have him be the punchline. He ruins it for me. But overall, success. “As long as Ms. Flake and Mr. Granola are coming to crunch town, it’s a great time.” A-.

sjbooher: Love it. Taking clips of what (Marvin Gaye’s performance at the 1983 NBA All-Star Game) is regarded as the greatest rendition of the national anthem of all time and combining it with shots of Team USA practicing? Brilliant. These guys have worked for 3 years — and arguably their entire lives — to ensure they have an entirely different rendition of the Star Spangled Banner forever ingrained in their memories — the one playing during the Men’s Basketball Medal Ceremony. While this long version borders on AEM, there is a succinct 30 second version that is airing throughout the Olympics, which still gets the point across. I’m also a big fan of the iconic “Just Do It” tagline, which this spot uses at the end. My only criticism is that Nike could probably have spotted their product a little better, but in this case, advertising the team is essentially the equivalent of advertising their company. I’m a hopeless basketball/music romantic, and this ad was made for me. A.

jtherkal: Nike–aka W+K–has a real thing for finding some footage, putting a song to it and calling it a commercial. Granted, there’s a bit more to this concept than that. And their string of outstanding branding practices have enabled them to throw this formula out there and have it succeed time after time. But this one doesn’t quite do it for me. I don’t know if it’s the wrong shots, if it’s too long, if it doesn’t really look like they’re busting their asses, but surprisingly, something fails to give me the chills or get me fired up, as so many Nike ads do. It’s still not bad. B-.

In related news, I interviewed some of these guys in Vegas while they were getting ready for the games. I’m famous. SJB had practice access–we’re both famous! The highlight was asking Tyson Chandler how he sleeps in hotel beds when he travels, does he order giant beds? Put a rollaway at the bottom if a normal one? The answer: Curled up on his side, just like me. The other highlight was that Jason Kidd’s girlfriend had a BANGIN’ body. You could almost see her goodies when she bent over the Kraft services table to get some candy. Coach K has a foul mouth.

sjbooher: One of the biggest events of this Olympic games was the USA v. China basketball match-up. Coke took advantage of that by combining two of the biggest stars in the world this spot. It’s creative, awesome, fun, visually pleasing, and the feel good story of the year, at the end. Of course I love Coke, basketball, LeBron James, Yao Ming and the Olympics! Still, this is well done. I do have to stay true to my principles, I guess, and dock it slightly for the late product placement. A.

jtherkal: Fun, positive, big name stars, good music, fun animation, timely release–Coke knows what it’s doing. I want to eat egg rolls, drink a Coke, and dance to that song. Mission accomplished. Maybe the USA and China can unite to oppress other nations and conquer the world. If only they’d agree to capitalism and stop the “one and done” child rule, we’d be golden. A.

jtherkal: In what will become a growing series as November nears, we’re going to tackle political ads. For years, political ads have been a stain on our society, littering the airwaves with slanderous accusations, boredom and just plain terribleness. You’d think that candidates would hire professionals to pump out some ads that don’t feel like your typical political BS. But to date, few have. We’ll start with this gem, which has been a bit of a lightning rod as of late.

It’s for John McCain, Republican candidate for president (for the super uninformed). My guess is he has hired some professionals, and those professionals talked him into this outstanding ad. The conversation probably went a little like this:

Ad Guy: So John, the difference between you and Obama is that you’re old and crusty. He’s young, beloved and hip. Trying to make you seem hip, or Obama seem crusty is a near impossible task. So our angle is this: play up your crustiness and make his popularity seem like a fault.

McCain: Interesting. Can’t we just say “McCain is white and will take over the fucking world with guns?”

Ad Guy: No, there’s been a bit of a backlash due to all this war crap.

McCain: Oh, continue.

Ad Guy: Well, we start with ominous music. Then we show people chanting “O BA MA! O BA MA!”

McCain: Wait, won’t that make him seem popular?

Ad Guy: That’s the point, you old bastard. Now shut it and wait for the punchline.

McCain: Sorry.

Ad Guy: So while people are chanting, we show images of celebrities that are idiots. Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, etc. Then people will think “Obama is a celebrity, Paris is a celebrity, Obama is the same as Paris.”

McCain: I like your logic.

Ad Guy: Then we say some of the political bullshit you insist on cramming in my ads, followed by that image of you looking into the light while you say you approve this message.

McCain: Doesn’t that clip of me looking into the light make people think of me being old and dying?

Ad Guy: That’s the point! We want people to think about how old you are. You’re the anti-young. You have so much experience that you’re almost dead.

McCain: Brilliant.

Ad Guy: That’s why you hired me.

I guess if I have to rate this, I give it a F. The backlash on this has been nothing short of sensational. Paris has even responded with this:

sjbooher: That’s it, I’m voting for Paris. That is awesome. How does Paris Hilton have a better campaign ad than McCain? And it also sounds like she already has a better handle on her running mate (Rihanna, potentially) than either of the real candidates! Ha. McCain’s ad was lazy and scatterbrained at the same time. FOCUS, MAAAAAAAN. Not to mention he just saved Obama millions of dollars as the backlash is campaign advertising in and of itself. F to the McCain ad, A+ to the Paris ad.

sjbooher: This ad is weird. So she has the power to freeze time, and she uses it to eat cereal? And if you are fat, does it really cause problems with your top button? Wouldn’t it be the button by your stomach? And the way she opens her blouse at the end is odd, too. I don’t get it. At least she’s hot and the cereal looks appetizing. C-.

jtherkal: What are you watching that this is on? Oprah? This is a commercial I would never take notice of, let alone take the time to find on YouTube and write a review about. I’m obviously not the target (although I am getting a bit of a belly), but even if I was, this is pretty bland. I can’t fail it, but there’s nothing good about it–save the suggestive tug at the blouse. D.

sjbooher: The interesting part is, that all of these cereal, yogurt, etc. ads you seeing reviewed came from a broadcast of the World Poker Tour on the GSN. Seems to me they aren’t selling targeted ad space, but instead just general ad space for their network. Unless there is a secret brigade of underground housewife poker players!

sjbooher: This is a tv network ad, which probably only airs on their own network, so in a way, it is AEM. But at the same time, if the audience enjoys the ad, it can serve as a brand strengthener (think ESPN and their constant SportsCenter promotion as a success story). As a huge Hip-Hop head, I enjoyed this a lot. It is an animated look at the changing style of Hip-Hop over the years. Fun. B.

jtherkal: It’s a fun little commercial. Doesn’t have quite the attitude that I think Fuse would like. To me it says fun and easygoing, not very edgy. Isn’t Fuse like MTV, not VH1? I think it has more to do with the animation style than the concept itself. Although I’m not sure the concept is even that strong. The clear way to go would be to tell people what you are: a music video channel that actually plays music videos! I don’t feel very strongly either way about this one, though I would have liked to see some Hammer pants. C+.

Why, Hasbro, why? Why did you murder Scrabulous?

Anyone living in the dark ages (or not working in an office with a computer) may not realize that yesterday marked the end of the glorious Scrabulous era; an era during which friends all over the world could compete in an online version of Scrabble on Facebook. It provided stress relief, a challenge, a way to stay in touch with friends, and more.

But in their infinite wisdom, the suits at Hasbro filed a lawsuit which ultimately led to the demise of Scrabulous. While it was clearly a ripoff of the Scrabble game–owned and trademarked by Hasbro–the online social networking version was doing more good than harm. A whole new generation of kids began playing Scrabble. Adults rekindled their love for the forgotten game. How could this possibly have hurt Hasbro? Were the developers of Scrabulous also selling an offline version of the game, distributing it to every toy store in the world, so as to strike a fatal blow to the ancient game of Scrabble? No. Instead, because of a refueled passion for the game, it’s likely that Hasbro’s sales of the physical Scrabble game increased. You can’t take Scrabulous to the beach, or play it at a family reunion.

Because I don’t work for Hasbro, nor am I one of the developers of Scrabulous, I can’t say whether or not Hasbro explored more rational solutions to their problem. Solutions like paying them for a brilliant adaptation of Scrabble and rebranding it. But I can say for sure that forcing them to take Scrabulous down was the wrong move. Bloggers and fans of Scrabulous all over America are cursing the name of Hasbro today, as they surf the internet looking for other enjoyable ways to wile away their boring day. That can’t be good for your corporate image.

Save Scrabulous.